Should Cupid be a Love-Matcher, or a Matchmaker

Modern and Traditional Dating in Indian Cultures

By: Sarabeth Perry & Clarissa Wormsbaecher A-3rd Hour

 

     "Mom, why won't you let me go out on just one date?"  This has probably been heard by many Indian mothers from their children once they have reached the ages around 14 or older.  As India is becoming more modern and developed in all different ways, the Indian customs are not always as dominant anymore. One of the most controversial clashes comes when children have matured some, and are at an age to start dating.

          The traditional way of meeting one's partner is to let the parents choose a respectable, and promising match for their child. The parents believe that by choosing a  good match for their children, they are saving their children from mistakes that they would otherwise regret. Although the children do have the choice of saying yes or no to the match, some still would like to have the same experience as modern dating.  Many times, the parents do not agree with this option because their tradition of "matchmaking" has been in effect for over 5000 years.  Previously, there was never debate about this topic becuase children knew what the rules were, and if they thought it was unfair, they were probably to nervous to bring it up.

           Now, India is changing, and the children are learning more about how other people live, for example in the United States. A big difference is how in many other countries and cultures, is that young adults get to choose who they would like to marry. Parents are usually not involved very much in the topic and it gives the young adults a lot of freedom. The young adults can go on many different dates with people to get to know them, and see if they can have a relationship in the future. Children in India also want to have that freedom now. 

          Some Indian parents are now allowing their children to go on dates and have more of a say in who they want to marry. Others are letting them date, but still have complete control over who their child is going to marry and many are still very strict and are keeping to the Indian culture. There has been much debate and many arguments over this topic, and only time will tell which culture will come out on top.  

 

We chose this topic because we go to school with many people from an Indian background and it is interesting to see how their cultures can clash with the many cultures of where we live today. The dating situation is big and our age, and we have many friends who are affected by the decisions their parents will make for them now. It is always nice to know more about the situations our friends can be put in and how important their culture can be to them. 

 

 

http://cache.virtualtourist.com/2951587-Travel_Picture-The_Colourful_Wedding_Ceremony.jpg 

 

This picture represents the more traditional way of dating/marriage for the Indian culture.  Traditionally, the parents of the daughter/son will find a suitable match for the child, and when it is time have the two meet. If both children decide to procede with the "dating" they will be allowed to spend time together as long as the girl is back at home before dusk. 

 

 

http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/004609.html 

 

This represents the more modern way of "dating" or finding a match for oneself.  Instead of the parents finding their daughter a match, she decided to find her soul mate and of another culture as well.  Many times, this is looked down upon in the traditional Indian culture. 

 

 

Mock Dialogue:

Mother and Daughter argue about being allowed to go on a date.

 

Daughter: Mom…

 

Mother: Yes, what is it honey?

 

Daughter: Okay, well I know you don’t want me to go on a date, but please please please!

 

Mother: NO! We already went over this!

 

Daughter: But mom please you don’t understand!

 

Mother: What do I not understand? My parents chose that I was going to marry your father and I was not very happy about it, but I learned to live with it.

 

Daughter: Yeah I know, but look at all the other people! They get to fall in love! Its all that stuff you read about and hear about how people get to fall in love with each other…

 

Mom: Okay, you know it is part of our culture that you learn to love the one you marry. It is not a hard thing to do, almost everyone had to do it.

 

Daughter: Oh come on! You try to be all cool and young and everything, and letting me go on dates so I could find my own husband would definitely make you so cool!

 

Mom: Nice try, but it would be beyond me to let you marry an unsuitable guy who you will never be happy with.

 

Daughter: What do you not trust me, I know who I like and don’t like. I wouldn’t marry a guy who lived on the streets or something!

 

Mom: But if you really were in love you just wouldn’t be thinking and besides you are way to young for all of that.

 

Daughter: Oh so now I’m too young to date, but you want me to get married soon?!

 

Mom: Yes of course, this is when you are supposed to get married!

 

Daughter: Mom you are crazy! This is insane! (Daughter runs out)

 

 

 

Works Cited

 

History of Indian Wedding. 2008. India Net Zone. 3 May 2009. <http://www.indianetzone.com/2/history_indian_wedding.htm>.